


your emotions don't change

by YOONSONGHEE



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobia, Homophobic family, Internalized Homophobia, Kim Mingyu-centric, M/M, Outing, Past Relationship(s), Unhealthy Relationships, being outed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26954920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOONSONGHEE/pseuds/YOONSONGHEE
Summary: Mingyu wanted to fall in love again.If only his first love didn't leave him with such a deep scar.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kim Mingyu/Original Male Character(s), Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK
Kudos: 55





	your emotions don't change

**Author's Note:**

> Funniest story I came home from school on like Thursday or Friday to see my laptop open on my parents' bed and I forgot to close my fanfiction/ao3 tabs but I don't think they saw anything so close call.

University had been Mingyu’s dream.

Not due to some dream career or course that he wanted to complete, but because it was the escape he needed from his hellhole of a house. The only person who he could even talk to was his mother so it was just his luck that she was the one who stayed home most of the time while he was still living at home.

The first year of university was tougher than he was expecting, the thrill of finally leaving his hometown behind and exploring new things had overshadowed how much work he had to do and put in and the vast differences. He met his roommate Minghao in his first year, an overseas student from China who he became fast friends with despite occasional language struggles. After that, it was Seokmin who joined their group and the three of them eventually became great friends, tackling their first year of university together.

Along the way, their friendship group grew, Minghao joined a dance team with two seniors, Junhui who was also Chinese and Soonyoung, the one who organised the team. Then there was Jeonghan, a senior who was in some of Seokmin’s classes who quickly took a liking to the younger. Jeonghan brought with him Seungcheol, Jisoo and Jihoon who joined the circle slower than the others but had a meaningful impact nonetheless. 

Mingyu has recognised Jihoon from one of his departments but always thought he looked intimidating so never said anything to him. When he was able to have a conversation, however, he realised that the tough front he put up was just that, a front and he was actually nice company. The most recent additions to their group were Chan, Seungkwan and Hansol who they met after Chan joined the pre-existing dance team and dragged his friends with him to a couple of sessions out of nervousness of being around only seniors.

However, the person who stood out the most to Mingyu was Wonwoo, Junhui’s friends who had joined their group later than Jeonghan but earlier than Jisoo and the rest. Ever since he first saw the older, his heart would beat faster, yet he would push it down and tried to tell himself it was simply admiration. Why wouldn’t he admire Wonwoo and his endless intelligence, both when doing university work and emotional intelligence when it came to helping his friends with problems whether it was just giving advice or being there to listen.

Wonwoo with his dark hair, and beautiful eyes, an endearing personality that anyone would fall in love but not one everyone would see as the elder acted differently depending on who he was with and Mingyu thanked whatever powers resided above him that he was one of the few people who got to see this side of Wonwoo. As time went on, his attraction to the over boy grew stronger and more obvious until it manifested itself verbally in the form of a somewhat innocent question from Minghao.

“Do you like Wonwoo?” 

The question came out of nowhere, Minghao was in the middle of reading his book while Mingyu was on his laptop going through some footage and editing it when necessary. Mingyu almost dropped his laptop at Minghao’s question only to look up and realise that the other boy didn’t even spare him a glance and was still looking down at his book.

“No, why does it matter anyway?” Mingyu but back, slightly defensive.

“Calm down, it’s just the way you look at him makes me think there’s something more, plus I’m pretty sure if it came down to it, he would go out with you.”

To anybody else, it sounded perfect. After almost a year or so of pining, your friend gives you one final push to ask out the love of your life and the two of you live happily forever. For Mingyu, it sounded like a repeat of first love, one that ended so bitterly, that left such a toxic imprint on him that he didn’t know whether it could have even been considered his first love.

It was his first heartbreak though.

“Don’t ask about my love life again Myungho. Please.”

Perhaps his desperation had slipped into his words because instead of pressuring like he usually would, Minghao stared at Mingyu for a few more seconds before fully indulging in his book.

“Okay then.”

—-

His name was Soohyun.

They were both on the same football team in high school and trained together both with the team and without them. The memories Mingyu had of that time were hazy and tainted so he doesn’t exactly remember how they went from tackling the ball off of each other to tackling each other in hidden places to share secret kisses. 

All he remembered was Soohyun holding his hand as he dragged Mingyu back to his house so that they could watch movies, play games and kiss each other without anybody judging them.

Soohyun’s parents were rarely home so they went to his house when they wanted privacy, often rushing there after they had finished football training. The house haunted him from how many times Mingyu spent there having heated make outs and silly conversations with his first boyfriend which he believed would last forever. 

Until that cursed winter.

Due to the holiday, Soohyun and Mingyu couldn’t see each other that often, so when they finally got the chance to meet again, they became so intertwined with each other that they forgot there was a world outside of the couple. Soohyun took pictures of them, claiming that he needed them if he was ever going to have to go without Mingyu in his life which Mingyu had laughed about at the time not knowing those pictures would be the same reason he would be crying days later.

There were pictures of them in various places throughout Soohyun’s house, in the living room, kitchen, garden, hallways, until they had gotten to his bedroom. When they reached there, one last picture was taken before Mingyu was pushed to the mattress and Soohyun was on top of him, kissing him eagerly as if he would disappear any second. The kiss captivated Mingyu, it made him feel like he was floating and the two boys allowed themselves to get lost in each other.

Until a shrill shriek pierces the air.

Jolting you’re in shock, Mingyu came face to face with Soohyun’s mum who was looking between the two in disbelief. Even if he wasn’t near him, Mingy would be able to see Soohyun visibly shaking in fear, his eyes frozen as he and his mum stared at each other. It went in for a while before his mother turned to Mingyu and looked at him with thinly veiled anger.

“Get out of my house.”

Mingyu stood in shock for a few more seconds before he jumped into action, grabbing his things and fixing his uniform before turning to Soohyun and decided not to risk saying anything to his boyfriend, just giving his hand a squeeze and whispering “I’ll be here for you” before dashing out the house. He ran back to his house and ignored the questions of his family as they asked him not only about his behaviour but also why he looked so frantic.

In his room, Mingyu fell face first and clutched his pillow as he prayed to whoever that his Soohyun would be alright.

-

Days passed and Soohyun still hadn’t called, texted or even spoken to Mingyu at all. Multiple messages had been sent from Mingyh to Soonhyun but no response. It would make sense if his phone had been taken away, but at school, he couldn’t talk to the boy either. When he asked some of their mutual friends, they said that they had no idea what was going on which was mostly useless as none of them knew that the two of them were dating or liked boys.

Allowing this to continue, Mingyu pondered on his sleepless nights what Soohyun would say when they next saw each other. Would his mum force him to break up? Would he want to continue their relationship but more discreetly?

No amount of pondering could have prepared him for the actual outcome.

He was in the middle of dinner with his family when it happened as if it was on purpose even though logically it would make sense. There was a loud boisterous knocking on his door which his dad got up to answer with a grumble. The rest of them continued to eat their food until angry footsteps were heard a DJ they all looked up to see-

“Soohyun?” Mingyu Breathed out in disbelief seeing the rageful expression on his face.

Glaring, Soohyun three sets of pictures onto the table and looked Mingyu straight in the eye as he tore his life apart.

“Mr and Mrs Kim, your son is gay.”

Somebody dropped their cutlery at the revelation which Mingyu wanted to vehemently deny, but when he looked at the pictures, he realised they were the ones Soohyun took on that fateful day and Mingyu came out clearly in all the pictures, especially the ones where the two were kissing.

He had no idea what happened after that. He vaguely heard Soohyun shouting hysterically about how their son had ruined his life before his dad screamed for him to get lost. When Soohyun left, the door slammed behind him and Mingyu finally looked up at the rest of his family with watery eyes. His dad took one look at him before slamming his hands on the table and walking away, his mum getting up to go after him. Before she walked away, she turned to her son and hesitantly rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry Mingyu, we’ll talk about this later.” She walked away, her words providing no comfort to the boy.

It was just him and his sister at the dinner table and he had no idea what to say or do, but he didn’t have to do anything because Minseo took initiative.

“Are you actually gay?”

Mingyu’s mouth felt dry as he nodded cautiously.

“Great. Thanks a lot, Mingyu now everyone at school will make fun of me for having a weird brother!” The girl yelled before storming upstairs, leaving Mingyu alone at the dinner table.

Mechanically, he got up and put the dishes near the sink and threw away the food, unlikely that anybody would want to continue eating after what went down tonight. When he turned on the tap to do the dishes, Mingyu began to sob hoping that the running water and clanging plates would draw attention away from his cries.

•••

Life was never the same after that day.

Soohyun had moved schools, his parents thinking that Mingyu was a bad influence on their child as that’s what the other boy had led them to believe from what they had said. The boys’ parents had met up to discuss everything that happened which made everybody involved extremely uncomfortable. Mingyu’s dad had stopped talking to him, only initiating a conversation when necessary such as if he was having dinner or what his school report looked like and even then, his mum was the one who asked him about that most of the time.

Mingyu supposed he was lucky that his mum still talked to him and was the most civil with him out of anybody else in the house even though she was still a bit uneducated about the lgbtq+ community, she was trying her best. Minseo has practically built a wall between her and her brother ever since she first found out, hurting Mingyu greatly as he saw his sister choose the rest of the world over him despite the two of them growing up and doing so much together. 

Even at school, it felt like everyone was talking behind his back, so he dropped out of the football team and drifted away from most of his friends. The only person he still regularly talked to was Jeon Jeongguk who used to be one of his best friends before but now they were just acquainted and Jeongguk often came up to him when he thought Mingyu looked lonely.

Sometimes, Mingyu cried himself to sleep thinking about his life before he got outed. Now he felt like a shell of his former self and he feared that he would never get better and would forever feel like this: worthless, sad and heartbroken. He wished there was somebody who could hold him and take care of him and tell him everything would be alright.

•••

None of Mingyu’s university friends knew about his home life or what had happened with Soohyun and if it wasn’t for that one outing, Mingyu probably would have never told them willingly. That was probably the reason things played out the way they did.

For once in what seemed like an eternity the whole group had overlapping free time one Friday night so they decided to do what many young adults would do and go out and have fun. Despite some reluctance, Soonyoung was able to convince all of them to visit a bar that he often visited when he had free time. Mingyu was feeling quite excited about the outing as it was rare that they got to spend time together as thirteen so he was looking forward to it.

When they reached the club, everyone went to do their own things. Junhui, Minghao, Seungkwan and Chan went to the dance dragging Jisoo and Hansol along with them. Soonyoung and Seokmin disappeared almost as soon as they entered the place and Mingyu didn’t want to think too much about where they went or what they were doing. Mingyu was sitting at the table they found with Wonwoo and Seungcheol while Jeonghan and Jihoon went to get drinks. When they came back, Mingyu took his drink and began drinking it looking around the place where his friends were dancing and the other people who were at the club finding interest in what was going on around him.

Usually, he would prefer to be on the dance floor with the rest of them but for some reason, he felt more content with just sitting here talking and laughing with his hyungs. Eventually, Soonyoung and Seokmin returned to the table, their clothes and hair suspiciously ruffled and their faces flowing as they took a seat next to Mingyu.

“Hey Gyu,” Soonyoung said as he reached over to take a drink from Jihoon, “I saw some guy staring at you when I was walking here, I think he might fancy you.”

“Nah I’m good hyung,” Mingyu rested his head in the palm of his hand before turning to look at Soonyoung, “I’m not really interested in that sort of thing right now.”

“Oh,” Seokmin suddenly got a mischievous look in his eyes, “Is this because of Wo-“

Mingyu quickly reached over to pinch Seokmin’s thigh harshly making the other boy yelp. Rubbing at his thigh, Seokmin pouted glaring at Mingyu.

“I was gonna say is it because of when you said you’re not ready for a relationship yet?”

“Oh really?” Mingyu glared back at his friend knowing better, “I don’t remember telling you, how did you know?”

“Minghao told me about it last time,” Seokmin answered, catching Mingyu’s hidden meaning of the question, “so I know quite a bit.”

In his head, Mingyu was so preoccupied with coming up with a plan on how to end both of his supposed best friends that he hardly felt the soft touch on his arm. He turned around to see Wonwoo’s comforting smile and gentle eyes.

“It’s okay Mingyu nobody is gonna force you into a relationship if you don’t want to.” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Mingyu said with a small shy smile as he ducked his head down in embarrassment.

He couldn’t say what he wanted was for Wonwoo to force him into a relationship preferably the two of them if only his worn-out heart could take it. Seokmin and Soonyoung eventually left to go to the dance floor allowing Jisoo and Hansol to escape back to their table and join the rest of them in drinking and chatting. Mingyu was absentmindedly staring at Wonwoo’s side profile when Hansol got his attention.

“Hey hyung, do you know that guy? Cause he keeps looking at you and he’s coming over here.”

Even though he was the tallest in the group, Mingyu had trouble looking for the guy that Hansol was talking about until Soonyoung suddenly piped up.

“That’s the guy I was talking about! The guy who looks like he likes you.”

The guy made eye contact with Mingyu and he felt his whole body freeze.

It was Soohyun.

The voices and laughs of his friends became white noise as he saw Soohyun walk towards their table as if in slow motion. Snapping himself out of his stupor, Mingyu felt himself tremble in fear and began pushing his friends in his haste to get away

“Seokmin, Soonyoung, move now.”

“Woah, Woah, what’s wrong Gyu?” Seokmin asked, confused at his friend's sudden change in behaviour. His concern alerted the rest of the table that something was wrong and soon everyone’s attention was on him.

“I just need to get out please can the two of you move,” Mingyu was pleading at this point, his voice wavering with emotion as he saw Soohyun get closer, “Hyung please move.”

“Mingyu wait,” Soonyoung said putting his drink away and grasping Mingyu’s wrists, “tell us what’s wrong so that we can help you with whatever-“

“God, just fucking move Soonyoung!”

The shouting and lack of honorifics shocked the whole table into silence allowing Mingyu to finally push his way out and start walking away. He didn’t get very far until he felt another hand grab him.

“Mingyu-ah.”

Soohyun looked almost the same as in high school which only unnerved Mingyu even more. He spoke with a gentle voice as if he was trying to console someone, eyes soft as he took in Mingyu’s face. Even his touch was delicate despite grabbing Mingyu at first, his hands now hovering over him as if he was afraid to touch him. The worst part of it all was that Mingyu felt a part of him fall in love with the boy who had ruined the last few years of his life, who had betrayed him the worst way possible.

“Let go of me Soohyun.”

“I’m different now Mingyu. I just wanted to talk.”

“Fuck talking,” Mingyu said tearing up, “fuck you. Fuck you Soohyun. I never want to see you again.”

Soohyun opened his mouth to say something else only to snap it shut when he saw Mingyu’s tears threatening to fall. Mingyu internally cursed himself for always being so emotional, so vulnerable in front of him and then spun on his heel and walked out of the club with no destination in mind, he just needed to get as far as possible. When Mingyu finally started to pay attention to his surroundings, he realised that he had walked to a park near the campus and that he had left all of his things at the bar after legging it out of there. He sighed in frustration and was about to start crying again when he heard a voice calling from behind him.

“Mingyu.”

When he turned around, Wonwoo was standing there holding all the things that he had left behind with a concerned look on his face. The elder stepped forward and gestured for Mingyu to lift his hands up. The younger was confused but complied nonetheless allowing Wonwoo to help him into his coat in comfortable silence. After putting Mingyu in his jacket, Wonwoo sighed and placed a hand on Mingyu’s shoulder, studying his face.

“Mingyu what happened back there? Are you okay?”

“Of course hyung!” Mingyu said, forcing a smile on his face hoping Wonwoo wouldn’t be able to see how close he was to breaking down into tears, “everyone has to go through a nasty run-in with their ex sometime throughout their life I guess,” the younger even managed a laugh to cover up the fact that he was lying through his teeth.

Looking at Wonwoo’s face though, Mingyu knew that he didn’t buy his act, making his face droop a bit.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Mingyu asked attempting to keep the act up for as long as possible

“Don’t laugh like that, don’t smile like that. That’s not what your laugh sounds like Mingyu. That’s not how your smile looks like.”

“How would you know?” Mingyu snapped, Wonwoo was being so persistent and being so close to the older made it harder to keep his emotions under control.

“Because every single time you laugh I listen and every single time you smile I watch. Because all I want to see is you happy and it's obvious that you’re not,” Wonwoo brought his hand up to cup Mingyu’s face so gently his touch was almost non-existent.

Their eyes met and Mingyu was able to see all the care and love that Wonwoo held in his eyes, hoping that the younger saw the same love and care in his own eyes.

“I didn’t lie, he is my ex, from when we were in high school and he,” Mingyu’s breath hitched, his tears free-falling down his face, “he outed me to my whole family.”

Mingyu closed his eyes as though he was in deep pain, hearing Wonwoo’s poorly concealed gasp at the information.

“It was the shittiest day of my life and I thought I put it behind me but when I saw him I felt like dying on the spot. It felt like he was going to take all my happiness away from me again and I couldn’t take it, I-” a sob broke out of Mingyu’s mouth in the middle of his sentence effectively cutting him off.

Wonwoo looked at the crying boy in front of him and felt his own eyes tear up, knowing that feeling of somebody figuring out your sexuality when you weren’t ready for anyone to know that tightness in your chest which threatened to choke you. It was unimaginable to him that Mingyu went through something so traumatic as a teenager and half of him wanted to break down sobbing with the younger. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the taller and brought his face to bury in his neck kissing the side of MIngyu’s head.

“Mingyu, I love you so much, and this might be the worst time to tell you, but I need you to know that no matter what I will stay by your side. Screw everything else.”

“I love you too hyung,” Mingyu muttered between sniffles, “please stay with me.”

“Always Gyu,” Wonwoo whispered, turning his head to face Mingyu’s.

Their eyes met one more time before their lips met in a sweet, soft kiss filled with all the love and affection that they had been keeping locked inside of them.

“Always.”


End file.
